Relief
by No Small Dream
Summary: There was once a time where shy bookworms could be peacefully left to themselves, where nothing could distract them from escaping to another world, away from the daily stress of everyday life. Where have they gone? Novella Hill just wants to be left alone to waste away in self-pity over the mistakes of her past, is that really a lot to ask? Apparently so. Most likely a Bruce/OC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is just an experiment to be honest. I'm not really too sure about it. Anyway, tell me what you think, please. I own nothing but Novella Hill…Happy reading**

The book in front of me slammed shut on its own, the noise of it jerking me awake. Getting over the initial shock of it, I stared blankly down at the palm spread out over the cover, as if guarding it from my eyes. They were soft delicate hands that I knew right away, but despite this I followed the length of the arm to look my intruder in the face. I hate being right.

"Maria," I said softly, eyeing my finger nails and hiding my face.

"Don't try this with me. I don't have time for it." she was as firm and straight forward as always.

She still hadn't removed her hand from my book, not knowing what to say I stared at it like an idiot. She was always better suited for conversation than me.

I looked curiously at her from the corner of my eyes. "Nice to see you, too."

Her face softened, and her demeanor changed as she plopped down in the seat across from me, releasing the book from her tense grasp. "Where have you _been_?" she accused tiredly, shaking her head at me.

I kept my gaze trained on the suddenly intricate designs of the faux wood, and began tracing it with my finger. I paused and opened my mouth to say something and closed it again.

"Around."

I knew that wasn't a satisfying answer for someone like Maria, but I was feeling guilty. I couldn't bring myself to face her disappointed expression.

"Well," she said stiffly, "I guess it's time for a reunion, wouldn't you say?"

I frowned. Knowing her what she was going to say next. "What do you mean?"

She leaned forward, getting in my personal space "What I mean,_ Nova_, is that it's about time you got back to your old business."

"I-I can't. That's behind me."

"Regretfully, you don't have a choice. It's an order by SHIELD."

I finally met her eyes indignantly. "I cut whatever ties I had with SHIELD a _long_ time ago!"

"You and I both know, once an agent always an agent. We've been keeping tabs on you; SHIELD never cuts a tie with anyone. _Especially_ not you." She leaned back in her chair, watching me fidget and wipe sweaty palms on my faded jeans.

_She hasn't changed at all_, I reflected_, besides the small cut on her cheek_.

"I was afraid this day would come," I muttered.

She rolled her eyes. "Quit being dramatic. Fury is waiting."

"Can I at least bring my book with me?" I asked pathetically.

"It sure looked riveting." she replied flatly.

"I was tired!"

She turned and began walking away. I took this time to look around me. The library was empty. I shook my head.

"Typical SHIELD," I murmured to myself. I ducked my head down, grabbed my book, and followed Maria out the door.

The cool night air, though refreshing, chilled me to the bone. I pulled my heavy light pink sweater over my hands, something you think I would've grown out of since I became an adult.

Maria glanced back at me. "Are you really wearing a turtleneck?"

"What's wrong with that?" I countered, stumbling to catch up with her fast pace down the dark streets.

She didn't reply, just turned down into an ally, while I tried to walk, toss my book into my messenger bag, and not step in anything gross all at the same time.

"Get in the car." she said. "We have a plane to catch."

I gulped, tucking my hair behind my ear, and then untucking it again. Hesitantly I reached forward to open the vehicles door, but paused mid-reach.

The window rolled down. "Let's get a move on." Maria ordered sharply. Then she said under her breath as she fixed her grip on the steering wheel, "I can't believe you're my cousin...we're _nothing_ alike..."

I frowned again as I climbed into the car. Once the door was closed, she immediately floored it.

"So," I began, grappling with my seatbelt, "Where're we headed?"

"Classified."

"Whatever happened to 'once an agent always an agent'?"

"You cut off ties from SHIELD a long time ago." she took a sharp turn, the scenery was flying by.

"So why do they need me now?" I asked more to myself than to her.

"There's been a rather...compromising situation involving a stolen source of pure energy, and a Norse god of trickery."

"This would make an awesome action filled Rom-com, don't you think?"

She ignored me.

"I'll fill you in later. Promise me you won't do anything stupid?" she begged, showing me she still wasn't a _completely _brainwashed SHIELD agent, and that she still had _some_ emotions.

I chuckled. "I'm not promising anything, I know better."

She showed a hint of a smile.

I grinned, looking out the window. "Aren't the stars lovely tonight?" Knowing I wasn't going to get a response to small talk, I said what was really on my mind. "You never answered my question."

"The stars are the least of my worries, Nova."

"No...Why does SHIELD need me?"

"We need as many agents as we can get. This is an emergency, it's vital that you cooperate,"

"You're never short on agents."

"Do I really need to argue with you? We need agents, _you're_ an agent! Do the math!" she snapped.

I shrunk back, tapping my fingers on my knee nervously. "Sorry," I whispered.

She gritted her teeth and made another sharp turn.

I glanced out the window, feeling a pang over the fact that she was still angry with me. But who could blame her? I was a coward, which was why I was _avoiding_ SHIELD in the first place. I owed Maria, though.

I sighed, running a hand through my caramel hair. I really wanted a hot chocolate right about now. I haven't eaten all day; I haven't slept all night, and now this? It didn't matter now, though, I lost my appetite and I was currently _extremely_ alert.

"We're here," she spat.

I took in a deep breath and opened the car door. Was redemption so hard to come by?

**A/N: This is a Bruce/OC story most definitely...So, yeah, I would appreciate some reviews, suggestion, constructive criticism, anything you have to say really…other than something mean, because then I might cry…**

**Just Kidding! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Just wanted to thank everyone, especially those that reviewed XD Honestly, I'm still not sure about this, but the reviews and stuff helped…although the bar was set a little high for me, so I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint…Happy reading! **

I've read Alice in wonderland before, and I've seen the movies. I even had people tell me I remind them of her. I strongly disagree. Alice is more of an extrovert, who when the going gets tough, the tough gets going kind of girl. She follows wherever her curiosity takes her optimistically, no matter how strange. To compare me to Alice I'd have to say that the only thing we have in common is endless curiosity and a yearning for justice. Other than that, I'm more than likely to go hide in a corner, than seek out what I'm looking for. More likely to stand by and watch when something goes wrong, than to try and fix it.

More than likely to zone out every word Nick Fury was saying, than listen like an obedient agent.

I'm starting to think Maria was right when she called me 'passive aggressive' growing up.

My current thoughts were on his eye patch. I must've been really tired, because these thoughts spaghettied out to a whole different arrangement of thoughts. Like: _has Fury ever considered dressing up as a pirate? Maybe for kids? He doesn't seem like the type. I'm an adult and _I'm _scared of him. I wonder if he has kids...is he married? I doubt it..._

"Agent Hill!"

I snapped back to reality. "Y-yes?"

"Did you even hear a word I said?"

"Uh, to be_ honest_..." I bit my lip, and he sighed.

More disappointment on my part.

Maria, who was standing off to the side finished saying something into her earpiece, and turned to Fury. "You'll have to forgive her, Director Fury, its 2:00 am, and she hasn't slept."

Fury didn't take his piercing eye off of me as he spoke loud and clear. "Well, then, agent Hill, you can tell your cousin to get her head _out_ of the clouds. Lives are currently at stake, and not everyone can get their beauty sleep. You can also tell her, and I'm going to put this lightly, that she is your responsibility now, and if anything goes wrong, it will be on both of your shoulders this time."

"Yes sir."

"Good."

He gave me one last long look, before stomping away.

I chanced a look over at Maria, who was standing upright, hands fisted behind her back, head down, and lips pressed together in a thin line. She was most _definitely_ in a bad mood.

"Sorr-"

"Save it."

I felt like I had been slapped. I've already managed to royally piss off two of the highest ranking agents in less than five minutes.

If I were an optimist, I'd say 'that's a new record!' or something along those lines. Being a pessimist, and a coward, I was looking for a way out of my little dilemma.

I fingered the strap on my messenger bag awkwardly, the soft leather indented with nail marks. Waiting for Maria to cool off was like torture.

She took in one deep breath and fixed me with a level stare. "I'm going to show you to your room. In your room is the standard uniform. You will wear it according to the code. No funny business, like Fury said, you're my responsibility now."

I nodded, feeling my throat close up. I wanted so badly to bolt right out of here and never look back. It was awful knowing that you were more of a burden than anything to the people you were trying to help.

I heard the sharp footsteps of Maria's heel, and realized she was walking away. Leading me to my room—which was more like a dungeon if anything.

The entire walk there was silent. Which I overall preferred, because when there was silence, you couldn't mess things up.

We arrived at my room in a blur. "You know the drill," she said, handing me a key. I took it gingerly, pressing my thumb lightly on the fingerprint scanner attached to the end of it. When it pulsed a brilliant white in recognition, I stuck it in the slot. There was a familiar click and I placed my hand on the cold door knob.

_Too bad it doesn't slide open_, I thought, _like in those sci-fi movies. Must be a budget cut._

I opened the door and walked in. It was dull, as always.

"Thanks." I told Maria, even though I know she didn't want to talk to me now. I learned that much growing up with her.

She nodded once, about to walk away before she turned back and said "I almost forgot, sometime late tomorrow we'll be having...guests on board. So, please, just..."

"Avoid them at all costs?" I offered, walking over to place my hand gently on the door.

"Yeah, that."

Just like that, she left me standing there.

"Trust me, that won't be a problem." I muttered to myself, closing the door and turning to my room.

Like she had said, that wretched skin tight uniform was laid out neatly on my bed. I hated that uniform. I hated this room. Not much has changed since I've been here, because I_ still_ hate it.

I collapsed on my bed, feeling overly tired. Was it really just a couple of hours ago I was happily reading in the library?

I reached into my messenger bag to bring out my book. I began reading, my eyes absorbing what was written, taking me to somewhere different, somewhere with a happy ending. Then I fell asleep.

My childhood was decent. Better than Maria's anyway. My aunt died giving birth to Maria, and her father hated her for it, making it very clear to her.

My mother was still alive, as was my father. I didn't say they were nice people, considering they wanted nothing to do with me. But I still had it better than her.

So how was it that she came out a stronger person than me?

I chewed lightly on my breakfast, which consisted of a granola bar and hot chocolate, while pondering my cousin.

I've been nothing but a burden to her since I joined SHIELD. I sighed for what felt like the fifteenth time that morning and walked down to offer a coffee to her as a token of peace.

I knocked softly on her door.

"Come in."

Gulping, I hesitantly peeked in her room and called out. "Maria? I brought you coffee..."

She glanced over at me and nodded. I stepped into the room. She packed away a picture as soon as I entered, and I felt guilt overwhelm me. I know all too well who was in that picture.

Her room was similar to mine, everything a dull grey, with a SHIELD logo here or there. Maria wasn't the type to make it any more personal and comforting, so the only thing that decorated the room was a pile of paper-work, some secret files, and weapons. Her bed was already made despite how early in the morning it was.

"So," I began, handing her the coffee as she sat on her bed and rested her elbows on her knees. I shifted in my navy blue suit, trying desperately to ease the strained atmosphere, which only made it poorer.

"Seen any good movies lately? Read any books?"

She smirked and took a sip of her coffee. "I don't have time to."

I ran my fingers through my hair and laughed. "I forgot...you're always so dedicated to your job here."

"It would be a waste of a job if I wasn't."

I considered this. "Are you happy with it?" then, feeling as though that was a personal question I backtracked. "I mean, you're pretty respected around here, right?"

"I suppose."

I set my hot chocolate on the dresser behind me and looked down at my nails.

"I just wanted to apologize..."

"For what this time?" she sighed with a slight smile.

I almost laughed. "For being a complete...you know..."

"Come on," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I want to hear you say it."

"For being a complete idiot."

She stood up and put her hand on my shoulder. "You know, what Fury said was right. You're my responsibility."

I smiled bitterly.

"Now, we have to get ready for departure. Come on, it's about time I filled you in."

It was a lot to take in, but she told me about the escape, the brainwashed agents, and the Avengers initiative. No wonder she was so stressed.

Although things weren't exactly fixed between us, I felt she was a little bit more easy-going. She still spoke and acted like an agent, that's for sure, but at least I had succeeded in actually making her talk to me again.

"So Phil has the honor of escorting his favorite all-American hero?" I smiled, putting up my hair in a messy bun. My bangs hung down just above my eyes, just how I liked it.

She tossed her empty coffee cup in a nearby trash bin and said, "Correct."

"He must've been ecstatic."

"He was. He brought his cards with him..."

I laughed out loud as we entered the control room. A couple of agents turned, and did a double-take when they saw me, and I immediately ducked my head down.

"Eyes forward," Maria called. Then she turned to me. "Why don't you take a look around, and get used to things before we put you to work in here."

I gave her a tight smile. In other words, go make yourself look busy so we don't have you mess anything up.

The message was well-received, and I found myself wandering the area, determined not to get lost. Maybe I should head back to my room, so I could read a bit.

I turned to head in that direction,absentmindedly fixing the earpiece I had received along with the uniform. I had a gun, too, which was hard to ignore, as it put some weight on my thigh. I had a feeling it was going to stay snug in its holster for just about the entire trip.

Go figure.

I didn't mind, though. It was for the best.

As I headed down to my room, I noticed a room with a fairly large window, with a perfect view of the ocean, I looked on, amazed, and stepped in, and only to find out we were slowly rising out of the water.

Oh lord.

I watched in apprehensive bewilderment as the ship started its flight. It was all too real. I was really doing this. I was a part of SHIELD. I placed my hand on the patch that decorated the sides of each arm lightly and stepped back from the window.

I had wasted a lot of time in here. It's about time I left. Just as I turned around I bumped into something—or someone—solid with a gasp.

Let the embarrassment commence.

**A/N: I'm open for reviews, suggestions, concerns, constructive criticism, and smoothies, but seeing as this is the internet, I'll **_**probably**_** have to make it myself…but, seriously, I want to become a better writer, so any advice would be awesome X) I'm not rushing things, am I?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: here is the next chapter, Happy reading!**

"Hello."

I stepped backwards in shock, a blush creeping rapidly up my face. It's not every day you run straight into an attractive man. He had curly brown hair, just beginning to grey, and currently suspicious brown eyes. He wrung his hands, and raised his eyebrows slightly in a "What do you think you're doing?" manner

It became apparent to me in that moment that I am not one to make good first impressions, because as I continued to back up—putting as much distance between us as possible—I knocked something off of the table behind me and it landed with an ear splitting crash dangerously close to my foot. The clanging noise caused me to jump, and, cringing, I said a silent prayer that nothing was broken.

"Oh! Oops..."

I hesitantly bent over and reached to pick up what looked to be a large metal disc with shaky hands. This was terribly unprofessional.

I stalled picking it up, giving my flushed face time to cool down. My shaking hands grasped firmly on to the disc.

"You don't have to-"

I quickly stood to place the disc on the table only to run right into him again.

"Sorry!"

He raised his hands in mock surrender and chuckled tensely.

"It's alright, just, uh...don't do that."

"I-" I stopped whatever I was going to say when my throat closed. "Sorry," I muttered.

I managed to successfully back up without damaging anything, allowing him room to step past me.

He threw me a curious glance, and then stepped around me.

He must think I'm a _complete_ idiot.

"Right..." he said, walking over to type on a computer screen. When he finished he scratched his head, leaned on the table in front of him, and gave me an on-edge smile.

I placed the disc on a table and avoided eye contact with him. Seeing as I didn't say anything, he shifted his feet, clasping his hands together.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

There were a thousand answers running through my mind, all of them pitiful and ridiculous. So, thinking quickly I came up with a little white lie. It's not like it could get any more embarrassing than this.

"Oh...I'm just here to make sure everything is properly functioning." I fibbed. That was good—Professional even.

"Well…" he turned to type more on his computer, swiping a couple of things aside.

I nodded as if to convince myself and stared out the window. I shouldn't be in here, and because of my wonderful gift to lose track of time, I was in a bit of a pickle.

"You know, I can usually tell when someone's lying to me," he gave me a brief pointed look, "and I'm not a big...fan."

I frowned. Crap. So there was a way for me to embarrass myself even more.

He glanced over his shoulder with a bitter smile and asked "so...why are you really here? To keep me in check?"

Keep him in check? What is that supposed to mean? I studied my nails. This was really awkward. I had no idea how to respond for fear he'd just think that I'm lying again.

_Well_, I thought, _you could start with the truth_.

I sighed. "I came in here to look out the window...I didn't even know it was an aircraft." then more softly and to myself I added. "They certainly have advanced in their technology since _I've_ been here."

He nodded, not seeming all that convinced. "So you're not a rookie. You've worked for SHIELD before?"

I gulped, nodded absentmindedly, and stared out the window.

"Welcome back then." he said sarcastically, and went back to his work.

I scoffed lightly.

Based on his demeanor, we had one thing in common. Neither of us wanted to be here. I felt a little fortified at the new face. A new face means a new start, someone who doesn't know the problems I had and therefore won't judge me…_too_ much.

"So if you're not here for some ill-advised behavior surveillance, then what does SHIELD have you in for?"

I snapped out of my reverie, contemplating on how to respond.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, feeling strangely self-conscious. "Um, just an agent recruitment. Kind of like getting picked last in a kickball game, though..."

He chuckled at my analogy, making butterflies flutter madly in my stomach. Wow. I felt the blush return to my face and hoped, just _hoped_ he didn't notice.

I glanced at him briefly as he fixed his glasses and squinted at something on the computer screen. Then he leaned back and expertly, switched, swiped, and adjusted things as if he had been doing it his entire life.

"I know the feeling, but," He walked around to a different table, "I probably have it better than you. Once I find the Tesseract, I'm home free."

"That cube thingy that's been stolen?" It left my mouth before I could stop it.

He glanced at me. I looked away. I'm just spitballing here, but I don't think that was very...Agenty.

"Sorry...I'm just getting into the kick of things again. I don't exactly have an 'agent' vocabulary," I laughed nervously.

He did too, somewhat thoughtfully. "Is 'getting into the kick of things' supposed to be another kickball joke?"

I smiled, fidgeting with my ear, "no," I said lightly, "I guess it's just not my day..."

He gave me a slightly less forced smile, and turned back to his work, "You and me both..."

There was an awkward silence. "What does it take to find the Tesseract?"

He took his glasses off, and replied carefully "Well, there are various different aspects to going about it. One of them being my, uh..._specialty_."

"What's that?"

He paused, looking at me in shock for a brief moment. Then he folded his glasses, setting them on the table and furrowing his brow.

"You don't know who I am, do you?"

I shrugged.

He nodded, smiling resentfully. "Of course. Doctor Bruce Banner." He said, eyeing me for a reaction.

I stared blankly, that name was familiar. Then it clicked. I was talking to the Hulk…and I found him attractive? This was just like in that book I read.

"Oh!"

"Yeah."

I was slightly surprised that he was so collected, considering the things he's been through. How does he stay like that? Reflecting on it, I could see the struggle he was going through. Every time he wrung his hands, his subtle accusations, his tense conduct, and indisposition to being here on the ship. He must feel awful, and as much as I wanted to pity him, I knew that he probably wouldn't care for my pity. So I kept things painlessly casual.

"I'm agent Novella Hill. You can call me Nova."

He stared at me, and I turned my gaze out the window…again.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he offered, pressing his lips together.

I smiled. "What_ is_ your specialty?" I wondered aloud, feeling a little confident. I was having a conversation with the hulk and actually being social.

"Gamma Radiation. There's a slight trace on the Tesseract, just enough for me to hunt it down. Of course, it will probably take some time, considering they also still need to calibrate the spectrometers for gamma rays. Then I'll draft a procedure to track the cluster recognition to omit some dodgy positions."

"Oh." I blinked.

He chuckled. "Don't speak thermonuclear astrophysicist?"

"Just about as much as I speak agent."

"Why did you decide to come back to SHIELD, exactly?" He said.

"Didn't really have a choice. I have no idea to be honest."

"Well, they do have their secrets."

"Doesn't everyone?"

He nodded, turning to analyze some data. "Yeah. They do."

Sighing I said, "Well, I'll leave you to it."

He nodded, rubbing his chin in thought he said as a side note. "I'll call you if anything isn't functioning properly."

I blushed. That went well.

_**BREAK**_

On my way back to Maria, I spotted someone I hadn't seen in a long time, a refreshing face that lifted my spirits. Agent Phil Coulson was in the middle of talking to someone when he recognized me. He gave a light smile, the first genuine one I've seen since I've been here.

"Novella Hill, is that you? They told me you were here, but I just had to see for myself."

I returned the smile with the same sparkle in my eye. "In the flesh, and for the record, is that all they said?" I sighed "No. Don't answer that. How are you?"

"I'm doing good..."

"Well?" I raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"I don't believe I know what you're talking about."

"Captain America? Was it as motivating as you imagined?"

He smiled. "More or less, I just need an autograph on my cards. I finally dug them out of their boxes they're in pristine condition."

"Sounds like you've got things going for you." I said, impressed.

"And you? Having a rough time at all?"

I looked at him through the corner of my eye ."More or less..."

He laughed.

Again, I found this refreshing.

"Maria's still giving me a cold shoulder."

"That's to be expected." We began walking aimlessly, me trying to fall in step with his large strides.

"I guess so. She started talking to me again, though." I fiddled with a loose strand of hair.

"Give it some time."

"How do you do it?"

He tilted his head in confusion. "Do what?"

"Stay so positive!" I huffed frustratedly," I feel like banging my head on a wall!"

Phil thought deeply for a moment, the sparkle never leaving his eye. "Nova, sometimes people just need a push in the right direction. We all make mistakes."

It figures he would read my mind. After all, he was practically the father I never had.

"The mistake I made could _never_ be excused." I said darkly, glaring at the ground and trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Granted, it was extreme. But you didn't have much of a choice."

I almost shot a bitter remark, but thought better of it. What was I doing anyway? Sure Phil and I were close, he was really the only person that talked to me, but that didn't mean that I had to dump all of my problems on him. If he could handle his own so satisfactory, then so could I.

"Do you know why I was always such a fan of Captain America, Nova?"

I looked up at him with wide, naive eyes.

"He was the hero I always wanted to be. I don't have super strength, or metabolism four times faster than an average human, and I could never have those things. What could I have? Heart and conviction. That's what keeps me going. Even if the things I'm doing seems pointless, or wrong. The important thing is to always look ahead."

"Thanks," my voice came out surprising hoarse.

"No problem, how about we go get a coffee?"

"Um, I-"

"Oh, that's right, I almost forgot. Hot chocolate?"

"Sure thing."

We walked down to the cafeteria, my spirits high. Honestly, I felt like crying out of happiness.

And then I saw him.

Phil did try to block my view, but it was his abrupt appearance in my line of vision that made me notice _him_. Derek. The bastard.

"Nova, I know what you're thinking-"

"Sorry," I said tightly, "I'm going to have to reschedule on you." and with that I turned on my heel and made a beeline for the exit.

"Wait-"

Suddenly, Maria bustled into the cafeteria.

"Nova!" she shouted angrily.

If Derek didn't hear that, he'd be deaf.

"Maria could you just-shhhh!" I said in a squeaky, flustered voice.

Naturally, she ignored me.

"Tours over, Nova. I've got a job for you, shouldn't be too difficult and—Agent Karlson, how can I help you?"

I froze. No, no, no.

"Not much, just meeting a previously expelled agent I haven't seen in _ages_." he said in that awful cocky voice.

My jaw clenched.

Maria eyed him suspiciously. "Agent Novella is busy at the moment, as you can so _clearly_ see."

I didn't need to turn around to know that he wasn't fazed by Maria at all.

Jerk.

"What's a little hello going to do? Is it a crime?"

"Regardless, I'm under strict orders. And if what I need to get done is hindered by an insubordinate shoddy agent seeking trouble, then you can answer to Fury himself." she retorted smoothly, advancing forward and placing a hand on her hip.

"Fine," he muttered. "Whatever you say, _director _Hill."

As soon as I heard his footsteps retreat, I immediately let out a sigh of relief.

Maria, on the other hand, moved on like nothing had happened.

"I need you to deliver a message."

**A/N: That is all. Please review and give me some advice, because I'm always looking for ways to make my writing better **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: well…it's been a while, hasn't it? Um. Yeah. I won't even bother with excuses -.-**

I was immature.

I was angry, scared, and stressed. I didn't ask for any of this, and frankly wanted no part in it. I didn't want to be on a giant helicarrier with aloof people who regretted my existence for my past mistake. Even I hated myself for it. I wanted to get away. So that's precisely what I did.

When Maria carelessly instructed me to receive my new mission, I followed behind silently. With every tormenting step my anxiety intensified until I was sure that my breakfast was groveling up my throat.

Breathing became hard. My heart was pounding, as if I was being repeatedly punched in the chest. The blood in my body coursed frigidly as my pace slowed to more of a labored, step-by-step stride. Maria hadn't noticed. She didn't even notice me gag and gasp for air.

I was having an anxiety attack.

Seeing no other agents around, I slipped down an empty corridor and in a blur of fluorescent lights and SHIELD logos, I found my way to one of the many ladies rooms on the ship. Once I got in I immediately locked myself into a stall and huddled into the corner.

I was trapped. They needed me for a mission? One way or another they would find me—hiding—desperate and sniveling. I couldn't stop the trembling, or the terrorizing constrictions in my throat.

I'll be a laughing stock, Fury would hate me even more, Maria would be pissed, and Phil would be disappointed. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't just _tell_ myself to stop being anxious, and voila, be cured. It hurts. Literally. I wanted to be in control of my body, which suffered with waves of anxiety—squeezing my eyes shut and trying to breathe properly. Would I just let them down? _Again?_

I dry heaved. I wanted to leave, to run, and find some escape from reality like I was so good at doing. The urge was so strong!

Was I weak? Maybe. After all, I was the only agent on the entire ship that wasn't a top notch specialist in some area. Technician? Nope, I liked things with pages. A secretary of sorts was ruled out because I was too easily distracted and made huge messes.

I fit in no category. However I made it _through_ training was a mystery, but I wanted out. Whatever this mission was, couldn't someone else do it? Excuses ran through my mind, finding ways to get out of the mission.

No one had seen my anxiety attacks before. They started only a number of years ago when I first was an agent with Maria, and made the biggest mistake an agent could make. From that point on, I had to live with anxiety—in other words, everyday nerves escalated, butterflies made me want to throw up, kind of like how I was feeling now.

It was one of my many curses.

And I deserved every bit of it.

I found myself at crossroads. Maria would be looking for me by now, cursing about how I made her late to see Director Fury. It wouldn't be long before they found me now.

As that thought crossed my mind, I found myself throwing up.

And since the world hated me so much, the door opened at that very moment.

If it was possible, my heart beat even faster, and my blood felt icier than before. Had they found me? I leaned away from the toilet, trying to catch my breath as quietly as possible.

"Hello?"

I wasn't familiar with that voice. I said nothing, but hoped whoever it was would leave. No such luck. The young woman knocked sharply twice on the door.

"This is Agent Natasha Romanoff, I'm coming in."

"No—" but it was too late.

When Romanoff walked in to see me hunched over on the floor she didn't say anything. Her face was stoic and blank, framed by the trademark curly red locks.

I lowered my head in shame, feeling tears beginning to form.

"Agent Novella Hill?"

I nodded shakily. This was it—I had to accept it for what it was. The shame, disappointment, and constant reminder that no matter what I do—I fail.

Natasha paused to examine the situation, and then strode precariously over to me. She leaned down and placed a slender hand on my shoulder.

"You're sick. I think we should get you to your room." She said bluntly. Not an ounce of pity was evident in her mechanical voice. She stated it as a fact, and almost an order.

"I—I have a mission...F-Fury will..."

"Have to reassign it." She interrupted with a sigh. "I don't think it would be in his best interest to have an agent throwing up on the job."

"B-but..."

"Come on, get up. I'll deal with Fury. Can you make it to your room by yourself?"

"Yeah...I..."

"Good." She got up swiftly and left the stall, leaving me baffled. Then she paused. "Don't let nerves get the best of you. They show weakness. Too bad. You have potential to be a good agent."

There was a smugness to her voice that made me clench my fists. "Is that a compliment?"

"Take it how you like."

"You don't know what I've done...if I-" I cut myself off, not finding the strength to continue.

"I've heard your story. It could've been worse."

"It could've been worse?" I was too shocked to effectively argue back and just stood, dumbfounded, that she could brush it aside like nothing.

"Let's just say I've seen things you couldn't imagine." Her gaze didn't falter, she stood her ground with her head hung low and her eyes void of any revelation to her feelings.

"That doesn't mean it doesn't haunt me any less! Everyone has their own problems! Their own level of stress!"

"I'm aware. What your feeling now isn't irrational."

"But it's a weakness." I guessed exasperatedly.

"It shows weakness. It's a flaw."

"What do you—"

She took a snappy step forward, causing me to flinch. "You convince yourself you can't do something. You look for every possible way to get out of a situation."

"I can't control it...it's not like I can just tell myself to stop being anxious." I started to get frustrated, my heart still beating a mile a minute, my blood as icy as before.

"You can fight it."

"Easier said than done. You think I don't try?"

"Well, I think you could try harder. Why are you here on this ship, agent?"

"I—I don't know..."

"That's something you're going to need to figure out. Try making up for what you've done in the past."

"There's no way to make up for it...Doing something good doesn't hide the mistake I made. It still _happened_."

She paused, narrowing her eyes. "You can redeem yourself."

"I'm not...strong enough."

"And you won't get stronger."

"I suppose I won't." I said stubbornly.

"You know you're making this harder for yourself."

"And you're making it seem easier than it actually _is_!"

"Yet you wouldn't hesitate to save anyone in danger." She still hadn't moved from her previous position. Arms crossed, face stony, and posture stiff. She had a dominant air about her, something I knew I could never pull off.

"I—what?"

"It was in the newspaper. You don't think SHIELD didn't notice?"

My mind reeled back to about a year after I was expelled as a SHIELD agent. I remembered it perfectly too. An interview for a job on a college campus, a sudden scream, a gunshot, and a rush of adrenaline that took me back to field training. I had reacted instinctively—so it wasn't that big of a deal.

"I-I just...well..."

"Agent, you know you can do this. You're not afraid of messing up...you're afraid of succeeding."

I froze. She was right. I barely knew her and she read me like a book.

She knew my issue better than I did. That was understandable, surprisingly. Agent Romanoff was trained to interpret body language, and come to quick conclusions like any other agent.

"Thank you..."

"For what? I only followed the orders given to me."

Romanoff just glanced over her shoulder and eyed me one last time. Then she left without another word, and I whacked my head on the wall in front of me.

Why did I have to be so _stupid_? Agent Romanoff specialty was manipulating a solution out of someone. Whether it be a stroke to an ego, or a simple argument. She had deduced my personality in a matter of seconds and effectively received the information she needed to turn the situation around.

The arguing had successfully taken my mind off of my prior anxiety, and it was beginning to return. Before I could think otherwise I walked swiftly out of the bathroom, and down the ever-extensive hallway to collect my mission, clutching my stomach and doing useless breathing exercises the entire way.

It was a struggle, every second of it, but I worked through it. I only had to stop once more to throw up before I moved on.

I sauntered down to where meetings took place. Fury was in the middle of talking to Steve Rogers, who had his bulky arms crossed in disapproval. "That's legal now?" he said. When he saw us approach he uncrossed them and nodded once. "Ladies," he said.

If I was Phil, I would've fainted. Instead, I gave him a shaky nod and an "Uh...hi," in return.

"The reports?" Maria asked Fury, coming out from my peripheral vision to stand at Fury's side and eye me.

Director Fury glared at me and turned towards the glass table where a small confidential file was neatly placed.

"I take it you're going to keep these to yourself, _Agent_?"

"Of course." I gave a subtle smile to Steve Rogers, avoiding eye contact. "'Loose lips sink ships' and all that." he was politely surprised at the forties phrase. Reading a lot pays off.

What I really wanted to say to Fury, though was something more along the lines of "how stupid do you think I am?" but that wouldn't go over well.

I took the file from his hands with butterflies in my stomach, trying to fly their way up my throat.

The feeling of being handed a new mission, was similar to gambling in a way. You never knew what the outcome would be. It could be life threatening, life endangering (and yes, there _is_ a difference), or what some of us like to call 'Suicide missions'. Suicide missions being where my bad reputation lies.

So when I grasped the thick paper in my buzzing hands I felt like the world had flipped upside down.

But I didn't show it.

One of the things about me that is both a blessing and a curse is the terrible talent of adjusting quickly. You want me to act like an emotionless robot who does your bidding, trapping away my roaring emotions inside? Give or take a few days, and I'm your gal. I suppose it had to do with my awful habit to give up so easily.

Wow. I really was a bad agent. Given the current situation with our compromised agents, I was convinced that it was a really bad "skill."

"This should be an easy one," Fury added solemnly. "I'm sure even_ you_ can handle it. Here's some extra information, there's a debriefing packet already delivered to your room. _Don't…_mess this one up." He still had a firm grip on the papers. Once I finally looked him in the eye, he let go.

That was one of the most humiliating situations I have ever had to endure. Captain America pretended to look busy, but I could clearly see the curiosity he directed towards Fury's harsh words. I pressed my lips together in a thin line, my face and ears burning red.

I wasn't sure to say thank you or not, so I simply gave a half-hearted reply.

Maria had left by this point, and Fury turned to discuss something with Steve Rogers. I stood there, gripping my file stiffly and stared down at it.

It was most likely an easy mission like he had said but I knew that not all missions were as easy as they seemed.

I felt like a zombie as I trudged down to my room. I bumped into Agent Romanoff on the way, muttering a quick apology as she studied my pained look.

There was just too much going on. Too much stress and too many conflicting emotions. I needed a release.

I walked swiftly—head down—to find another place to escape.

The anxiety was eating away at me. The constant disappointment that I bring to people was ridiculous.

I thought of what Agent Romanoff had said. Was the crux to my anxiety really the fear of becoming a good agent? Did that even make sense? I didn't know. I avoided going to my room for the debriefing packet, instead looking for a quiet place to clear my head. My feet brought me to the training room. It was just the way I remembered it, almost an exact replica of headquarters sparring room back on land, bringing me an odd sense of comfort.

Suddenly a rough hand grabbed my shoulder.

"Ow!" I cried, spinning around.

It was Derek.

"What do you want?" I spat.

"I want an explanation." he ground out, shoving me backwards. I stumbled, nearly falling.

"I don't need to explain anything to you!"

"Why are you here?" he taunted. "_I, _at least thought you were expelled, but as it turns out I guess I was wrong." His jaw was clenched dangerously tight, which told me his anger was beyond the point of seeing red.

"I'm just as surprised as you, Derek, does it look like I want to be here? I'd rather be kidnapped by a deranged psychopath!"

"Those are some strong words. Regardless...I don't care if you want to be here or not, because I promise you, I. Will. Make. It. Hell." He ground out, as if he was holding back a scream. The veins standing out were enough to tell me that.

"I have no doubt." I hissed, shoving him back. There was no way I'd let him see how terrified I truly was. "Jerk!"

He looked briefly surprised. Then his face contorted in white hot fury.

"Coming from the mouth of a murderer." he said darkly, swinging a punch at my face.

I ducked immediately, digging a fist into his stomach. He gagged, gasping for air.

I panted, backing up, and assuming it was over.

So when he kicked my feet, sending me crashing to the floor, I gasped in surprise.

He kicked at me and I cried out.

"_That_," he snarled, "Is what a _murderer_ deserves!"

I curled up into a ball. He was right. I deserved worse.

And suddenly it stopped. I looked up, and he was walking away. He paused, turned, and said "Next time I won't be so easy on you." he grasped his stomach the same way I grasped my side.

"Whatever. Just get lost."

When he left, I retreated to the hallway and fell back on my rear. Rising to lean my back against the cool metal wall behind me, I closed my eyes, breathing in and out of my mouth smoothly.

He was still angry, but I couldn't tell if it was all directed at me. Why else would be suddenly stop?

"Stressed?"

I gasped, shooting my eyes open to see Bruce, warm brown eyes and all standing at the opposite wall.

Banner furrowed his brow. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were so..." he searched for the right words. "Jumpy."

I gave a small smile, resting a hand on my neck and wincing immediately. I tried to hide it. "I didn't sleep well last night," I said quickly. When he looked at my neck I laughed nervously. "Stiff neck."

"Right. And, uh, what about the…bruise?" he raised his eyebrows.

Again he caught me in a lie. I swallowed, pressing a hand to my neck and struggling to get up, trying not to show the soreness in my thigh.

"Stiff leg too?"

"No." I muttered. "I just..."

"You know what? It's none of my business." he said trying to smile politely. Then he shrugged. "Don't even remember your name to be honest."

"It's Novella. You can call me Nova."

He nodded. "Nova...Hill, right? Interesting name."

My heart soared when he said my name, then dropped when I saw him furrow his brow at the bruise. Curse my body for being a quick bruiser.

"You could say that—please, I'm fine, I just finished training with someone, that's all."

"I see." he eyed my bruise again. I covered it with my hand and shot him a guilty smile.

He apologized.

"Don't worry about it, Dr. Banner." I blushed.

"Yeah." he wrung his hands, looked at the ground, shifted his feet and looked up at me again. "I hate to ask, but I haven't eaten anything all day..." he trailed off.

"Of course," I said quickly. "this way," I smiled, limping the opposite way.

He followed closely behind.

"How's the research coming along?" I asked to make conversation.

"It's coming along. And your agent work? How's that treating you?" he said, eyeing the bruise again.

I sighed. "It's alright I guess. You know…Agent Romanoff is very enlightening."

He gave a short laugh "Believe me, I know. She can really twist a hand behind your back without you even realizing it."

I smiled nervously at him, the anxiety still not quite out of my system. The shocking thing is, he caught it.

He _saw_ the crippling nerves in the simple glance and paused in the middle of the hall, an odd look on his face.

My panic meter was off the charts. Despite feeling over-exposed, I put on a mask, acting like it never happened.

"Is everything all right, Dr. Banner?"

He frowned. "Of course. Promise I won't go green."

The tension left at that moment. The comfortable light humor returning, but with an underlying instability.

"Maybe we should go on, then." I gave him a barely-evident smile when he realized he was still rooted in place.

He chuckled. "Lead the way."

So much for an emotional release.

**A/N: So, this was sort of a filler to show you more of Nova's character. Don't judge, she's frustrating to me too. But that'll be fixed along the way, just give her some time. I have some risky ideas for what to happen next, but since I've already hit the "cliché" bar, I'm not so sure it'll work out.**

**Eh…I'll find a way to make it play off nicely, because Tony's important when it comes to my idea :) **

**Soooo, I hope you're still enjoying this, and even if you aren't, I'm still going to keep writing XD **

**Review to give me some insight, constructive criticism, anything of the sort…go easy on meh, though :P **


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